Happy Birthday Ammon!

A lot has happened since my last post, but there's no time to play catch up now in the middle of my (potentially) last finals week ever!

Despite the time crunch due to major procrastination on my part, I couldn't pass up the chance to blog about my wonderful husband on his birthday!! Ammon is 26 today. That sounds extremely old to me, but I am trying my best to  not be so vocal about my thoughts on that subject, because I think he shares my opinion and doesn't like dwelling on it. Ammon's dad has been sending us pictures he is converting from old slides. Here are a couple childhood birthdays...

Isn't he cute?

I chose this one because of the fantastic style. Check out the mullet and cut off overalls, can't get much better than that!

One of the few traditions we uphold in our little family is breakfast in bed on your birthday. This started when we were engaged after I mentioned this was something my parents did for each other. I also briefly mentioned one particularly awesome birthday when my mom made some yummy chocolate waffles for me. The morning of my 19th birthday Ammon personally delivered breakfast on a tray from his apartment to mine (see why I love him?)... and every April 21st since then I get an assortment of breakfast foods delivered to me in bed, chocolate waffles included.


(The chef Ammon version of chocolate waffles changes every year as he can't seem to find a recipe he is happy with, which is always exciting. This year's included chocolate chips baked in and chocolate syrup on top.)

Today it was my turn. I'm not much of a cook (we typically eat cereal for breakfast) so I was a little anxious about getting up early to surprise him with a decent meal. He had a job interview for an internship this morning which added to the pressure. I decided to introduce him to cornbread and scrambled eggs for breakfast. Typically he associates cornbread with chili, but I was out to prove to him how wonderful it can be fresh out of the oven with butter and jam as a breakfast food. (Am I weird or do other people do this?)

I was prepared to make the cornbread from scratch, but I found this miraculous packet in our cupboard of cornbread mix that said "just add water". Now that is my kind of recipe! I mixed it up, buttered the pan, and looked the the instructions again just to be sure. It had a high altitude adjustment suggestion to add a little flour and some more water. Why not? Just to be sure it turns out perfect... I threw it in, mixed it again, and poured it into the pan.

Here's what I was envisioning...

Well...turns out Ammon's introduction to warm fluffy corn bread for breakfast ended up being some form of unleavened cornbread. I could post a picture, but it's just sad. I did make some yummy honey butter to compensate which seemed to fix most of the problem. He was a good sport about it, and also put up with me rushing him out the door so he could be ready for his interview on time.

Hopefully, tonight we will get to celebrate without the rush...I'm really thinking going out to eat somewhere is a fantastic idea. Happy Birthday honey!

One of the Strangest Classes I've Ever Been In...

I've certainly had some...interesting...college experiences over the course of my four years in college, and tonight's class just got put on the list. You see, I have this lovely Chilean professor that has made it a point over the course of the semester to take let his ideas be known to all. Anyone who has a contradicting point of view from his own either offends him in some way or their opinion is completely disregarded. See here for a taste of my friend's memorable experiences.

Just so you have some background information on the course: The topic is Foundations of Bilingual Education. The entire semester consisted of coming to class and hearing group presentations given by the students. (Because of course professors aren't getting paid to teach that's the students' job.) Each group has around nine individuals...way too many to be convenient for planning or to guarantee everyone has a fair share of work put into the presentation. Well...tonight was my group's turn.Our group made each part of our presentation short and to the point, because this professor tends to get worked up over issues and likes to go on half hour tangents "problematizing" the situation of the U.S. public school system that take up our whole presentation time.

Well, everything was going well until the part of our presentation given about involving Latino families. A girl in our group got up, presented about the main points given in our readings, and sat down. Cue next presenter...but wait...the professor has something to say. He stood up and in front of the whole class said, "I was not at all impressed with the last presentation." He went on to criticize how the girl presented, saying she used a "tone" that implied to him that she didn't care or consider the issue to be important. "It was very disrespectful and I will not have that in my class." Tone? What tone? The girl tried to apologize for something that she hadn't done, but he too busy telling the current presenter how excited he was to hear his presentation. "You are in the classroom and really know about this situation. I know that you will give us some great insights. We are all looking forward to hearing you present."...

So, awkwardly the class went on. The next presenter, from one of the distance sites, again started to introduce his topic, but a brave girl in our class interrupted him saying she had a comment. She defended the poor girl who he had criticized (who was now trying to keep from bawling) by looking directly at the professor and saying "I don't appreciate what you just said to her." Before she could continue the professor cut her off.

"Okay, we are not wasting everyone's time having this discussion. We have covered all the issues we need to cover in this class for the semester. Put your books away. We are done here. Goodbye."

And class was over just like that.

Side note: In case you are wondering what tops this incident in the strangeness category. My English 2010 professor wrote a whole paper that he shared with us. The topic was how it would be very possible that he could be the next Mark Hacking (who by the way my cousin dated very seriously at one point). Apparently, my professor had previously worked with Mark in a mental institution where their job was to restrain inmates and he always admired how well Mark did the job. Also they had many of the same church callings and beliefs in general. So maybe he could go home and kill his wife tonight. Why not? Do you wonder why this was my least favorite class? Yikes!!!

For all you Utah State critics out there, this college IS really wonderful despite the tone of my post. Have I mentioned that graduation is coming up fast!!! Only eight more school days!

Be Careful What You Pray For...Part 2

I woke up really early this morning to get to the school early and tell the principal my decision. As resolved as I felt last night, I couldn't help but worry about my decision this morning. I got to the school and immediately saw several of "my kids". They were excited to see me. I also saw several very anxious parents (who have been bombarding the principal wanting information since the teacher walked out). I waited in the office, but the principal told me, why don't you head down to the classroom and I'll come meet you in a few minutes. I tried to be discreet and act like this was just another visit to see the kids. Several parents came up to me and asked if I was going to be taking the class. The substitute who I had worked with a lot during my time there, kept quizzing me down about why I was there. I finally told her, "I've been offered a position, but I won't be taking it." She immediately went off on how she couldn't believe that they'd contact me and not say anything about it to her.

While visiting with the kids, one little girl gave me the saddest face and said, "Did you know that Mrs.---- is gone?" I wasn't sure how much she knew so I tried to act like I just assumed she was gone because a substitute was there, and played up how the substitute would do a good job with the class. She said, "She just left without telling anybody and she didn't even tell us goodbye.." My heart about broke in two, but I knew that no matter how badly I wanted to help fix the situation I was not physically capable of taking that responsibility. I don't handle stress well, I create my own stress when I have none. I knew that my body would not handle the added stress and decreased sleep that would come with the job, and I need to stay healthy for the baby.

When the principal came, I told her my answer. She admitted that after I had left last night she had been worried about me. She said that if I ever reach a point where I am looking for a job to come back and apply. Walking home was really hard. I'm still doubting myself, but I think I made the choice that needed to be made.

Why this answer to my prayer?

Either I made the wrong choice and a job being handed to me was the "work" I should be doing, or this was Heavenly Father's way of helping me see  what adding work to my schedule would be like so that I would recognize that I wasn't be as idle as I originally thought by simply finishing out the semester. One of the few impressions that kept coming back to me as I was making my decision was that I will have the opportunity to use my teaching down the road in way that I can't comprehend yet. I just need to get over my need to always know what the future plan is, and accept that what will happen is supposed to happen.

On a side note: I feel really bad for Ammon. He has applied to about 50 jobs and not heard back from any yet. I didn't apply to a single job and was offered a position. I really makes no sense. Ammon is hopeful that some kind of karma is due. Maybe since a job came my way and I didn't take it, that opportunity will now pass on to him? What do you think?

Be Careful What You Pray For...Part 1

This past Sunday my wonderful friend Marie taught the Relief Society lesson on work and personal responsibility. The message really hit me hard. I haven't worked for over a year due to my school schedule and the general lack of jobs in the area. I often feel guilty about this, even though I don't feel like we really need the extra income. When pondering about this lesson I began to worry that I am being too idle. Maybe I should be working to help support our family while I still can.

This thought was still in my mind yesterday morning. I decided to pray for help to have a productive day and to not be idle. I should be more careful about what I pray for, because... boy did I get an answer! At around three in the afternoon my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number so I didn't answer, but waited for a voice-mail. It was the secretary at Edith Bowen, one of the schools I student taught at. I called her back expecting it to be another survey about my experience there. Instead I got the response, "Are you looking for a job?"

She explained that my cooperating teacher had left the school unexpectedly and they needed someone to fill in teaching the class for the rest of the year starting next week. I immediately said, "Count me out, I'm taking eighteen credits and there's no way I could handle that load." I asked if they had contacted the other student teacher. They hadn't. I ended the conversation with "I'll think it over and get back to you as soon as possible."

I immediately called Ammon with the unbelievable news. I hadn't even applied for any jobs since the baby is on the way. I didn't think it would be possible for me to get any teaching experience in until after our kids were in school themselves. After Ammon I called my dad who really emphasized what a great opportunity this was to get some experience.  Then I called back Edith Bowen, "I'm a little freaked out that the more I think about this, the more I'm considering it..." went on the secretary's answering machine. I decided to walk to campus early to talk to Ammon about it, and on my way I got a call from the principal. I agreed to stop by and meet with her.

The principal was in the semi-bare, darkened classroom that my cooperating teacher had left behind putting library books on the shelves so it wouldn't look so empty for the kids when they came back today.  The reason I was contacted was because the classroom aide had recommended me. We talked about my situation and she said she didn't want me to be overwhelmed with finishing out the semester and taking on the job. If I took the job, I would also be supervising a level III student from the University and evaluating her teaching. The level I students that were scheduled to come interview the teacher (possibly me) about being a teacher in a couple weeks would probably be sent to another teacher. The one other first grade teacher offered to provide a skeletal outline of her plan for the rest of the year for me to follow if I took the job. No one knew for sure where the kids were at.

Being in the classroom talking to principal and other teachers like they actually believed I could do it really boosted my ego and confidence level, but I left the school confused about what I should do. I didn't know if my professors would work with me and let my final three weeks be a little more lenient. I still had a lot of big papers and projects to complete before the semester was over.

Focusing in class wasn't possible. I was antsy to get home and make a decision. Finally, I made it home, talked to my parents again who all but convinced me to take the job. Ammon also called his parents to get their input. The majority of the votes were for taking the job. I knew that I needed to pray about it, but every time I tried my anxiety over the situation interfered. Ammon gave me a blessing. I prayed, read my patriarchal blessing, prayed, read my patriarchal blessing again, read the relief society lesson, and read the next chapter in the Book of Mormon that I was on. (The chapter was about Zeezrom denying the teachings of Alma and Amulek...ha ha really didn't feel that applicable, except for when Alma and Amulek tell him that God knows his thoughts.) I really was glad that somebody else knew the crazy thoughts that were pouring through me mind. After all that reading and praying, I decided to just sit, wait, and let thoughts come to be.

I made Ammon sit down with me. I told him he was not allowed to offer any personal opinions until I had present both sides of the internal argument going on my head. I bawled the whole time. I noticed that despite my support of both options: taking the job or not. I tended to say..."and I don't think it's a good idea because..." a lot more than why it was a good idea. Ammon agreed with me. He said, "Which will you regret more, missing the chance to get seven weeks of teaching experience or having a miscarriage because your body can't handle the load?" I decided not to take the job. As soon as I said that to myself I felt calm the rest of the night.

Next on my list...

Why is it that I feel so fed up with school right now, when I secretly know that I will be missing having  the consistency of a school schedule like crazy once I'm done in May?

My coping mechanism: I made a list of every single assignment I have for each of my classes about halfway through the semester just so I could have the satisfaction of crossing them off one by one. When I'm stressed copies of this list tend to multiply and spread all over the place...

I have one on my computer desktop, a "to go" copy in my bookbag to take with me to school,  and one that I leave out in plain sight at home to guilt me into working...this is the only way I am accomplishing anything at this point. A bonus of this multiplicity system is that I only have to do one thing, but I get to cross it off three separate times...talk about sense of fulfillment!  If I have learned anything about myself and personal motivation, it's that I can't resist crossing off a to-do list.

What on earth will I do with myself when school is done and my current list is completed?

Ultrasound at 10 weeks

Well...for those who don't know yet about our exciting news... We are expecting a little baby to join our family around October 14. Obviously, this little one is consuming most of my thoughts and will continue to do so from here on out. I already love this little baby to pieces. (We all were pretty excited to meet each other when the time came for an ultrasound. The baby kicked the entire time showing off, and made it hard for the doctor to get his measurements.) Ammon and I are so thrilled to be parents, but I often find myself getting overwhelmed with the idea of how much responsibility that role brings.

This past weekend I really enjoyed the chance I had to listen to some of the leaders of my church speak at General Conference. I felt spiritually renewed, uplifted, and inspired to be better. I feel like my needs were met and my questions were answered.

For obvious reasons, one of the talks that really caught my attention was from Elder Lynn G. Robbins. He said...

"Many of us create 'to do' lists to remind us of things we want to accomplish, but people rarely have 'to be' lists. Why? 'To do's are activities or events that can be checked off the list when done. 'To be' however is never done. You can't earn check marks with 'to be's. I can take my wife out for a lovely evening this Friday which is a 'to do', but being a good husband is not an event. It needs to be part of my nature, my character or who I am."

 "To be good parents, one of the most important things we can teach our children is how 'to be' more like the Savior. Christ-like 'to be's cannot be    seen but they are the motivating force behind what we do which can be seen."

I think instead of focusing on my current 'to do's and constantly living moment to moment (or in my case--assignment to assignment), I need to develop a broader perspective and work on my long term 'to be's.

 With such a special spirit coming to bless our home, I feel like I have a lot of 'to be's to work on so that I can live worthy of such a huge blessing. I hope that I can develop habits  through meaningful 'to do's now that will help me 'to  be' a better example for our little family of Christ-like behaviors.

Spring Break: Husband-less

This morning I dropped Ammon off to meet a carpool full of people he doesn't really know. He is joining a big group going to Moab for a rappeling trip arranged by our friend Nate. He is invited every year and since we have been married I have prevented him from going in one way or another every year until this one. I told him he had to go this time because it might be his last chance since all of us are graduating and moving on with life.

That doesn't mean letting him go/ having him gone is any easier! Is it pathetic that even after three whole years of marriage we still can barely stand to be separated even for a few days? Ammon really is a big softie even if he tries to act tough sometimes. He really hates not being with me. This morning he kept asking me if I was sure I didn't want him to stay and drop the whole trip. (extremely tempting) He is only going to be gone till Thursday at the latest, you'd think it wouldn't be a big deal! Yes, I did bawl as I hugged him and drove away.

In my defense, it's a little nerve-wracking to send your husband away to spend a week...

•  with 60 people of which he may know about 6
   (some friends and a whole bunch of friends of friends of friends)

•  involving at least 12 hours of driving

            (I'm paranoid about car accidents, especially when he reminisces about waking up in a lane with oncoming traffic and a tractor coming right at him the 

            night before he leaves. Not comforting!)

•  full of going of cliffs for entertainment purposes

         (Have I mentioned his extreme lack of self preservation?)

• with a weather forecast predicting rain and snow today and tomorrow

           (wet + slick rock= not good for my nerves)

How will I be spending my time?

Besides praying excessively, I have a continuous line up of research papers, reading responses, and presentations to plan...with a girls night or two in the mix. Wish me luck (and pray that I have a husband at the end of the week)!

To buy or not to buy...

Here is the sewing machine I have been eyeing for a while. It is cheap, simple, has lots of fancy options, and I can order it through Walmart which means if it ever spontaneously combusts due to user error I can easily get a new one. This being said, I really have no clue what is considered "good" sewing machine-wise. Any of you professional seamstresses (almost put sewers....definitely not the term I was going for...) out there have any opinion?