Be Careful What You Pray For...Part 1

This past Sunday my wonderful friend Marie taught the Relief Society lesson on work and personal responsibility. The message really hit me hard. I haven't worked for over a year due to my school schedule and the general lack of jobs in the area. I often feel guilty about this, even though I don't feel like we really need the extra income. When pondering about this lesson I began to worry that I am being too idle. Maybe I should be working to help support our family while I still can.

This thought was still in my mind yesterday morning. I decided to pray for help to have a productive day and to not be idle. I should be more careful about what I pray for, because... boy did I get an answer! At around three in the afternoon my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number so I didn't answer, but waited for a voice-mail. It was the secretary at Edith Bowen, one of the schools I student taught at. I called her back expecting it to be another survey about my experience there. Instead I got the response, "Are you looking for a job?"

She explained that my cooperating teacher had left the school unexpectedly and they needed someone to fill in teaching the class for the rest of the year starting next week. I immediately said, "Count me out, I'm taking eighteen credits and there's no way I could handle that load." I asked if they had contacted the other student teacher. They hadn't. I ended the conversation with "I'll think it over and get back to you as soon as possible."

I immediately called Ammon with the unbelievable news. I hadn't even applied for any jobs since the baby is on the way. I didn't think it would be possible for me to get any teaching experience in until after our kids were in school themselves. After Ammon I called my dad who really emphasized what a great opportunity this was to get some experience.  Then I called back Edith Bowen, "I'm a little freaked out that the more I think about this, the more I'm considering it..." went on the secretary's answering machine. I decided to walk to campus early to talk to Ammon about it, and on my way I got a call from the principal. I agreed to stop by and meet with her.

The principal was in the semi-bare, darkened classroom that my cooperating teacher had left behind putting library books on the shelves so it wouldn't look so empty for the kids when they came back today.  The reason I was contacted was because the classroom aide had recommended me. We talked about my situation and she said she didn't want me to be overwhelmed with finishing out the semester and taking on the job. If I took the job, I would also be supervising a level III student from the University and evaluating her teaching. The level I students that were scheduled to come interview the teacher (possibly me) about being a teacher in a couple weeks would probably be sent to another teacher. The one other first grade teacher offered to provide a skeletal outline of her plan for the rest of the year for me to follow if I took the job. No one knew for sure where the kids were at.

Being in the classroom talking to principal and other teachers like they actually believed I could do it really boosted my ego and confidence level, but I left the school confused about what I should do. I didn't know if my professors would work with me and let my final three weeks be a little more lenient. I still had a lot of big papers and projects to complete before the semester was over.

Focusing in class wasn't possible. I was antsy to get home and make a decision. Finally, I made it home, talked to my parents again who all but convinced me to take the job. Ammon also called his parents to get their input. The majority of the votes were for taking the job. I knew that I needed to pray about it, but every time I tried my anxiety over the situation interfered. Ammon gave me a blessing. I prayed, read my patriarchal blessing, prayed, read my patriarchal blessing again, read the relief society lesson, and read the next chapter in the Book of Mormon that I was on. (The chapter was about Zeezrom denying the teachings of Alma and Amulek...ha ha really didn't feel that applicable, except for when Alma and Amulek tell him that God knows his thoughts.) I really was glad that somebody else knew the crazy thoughts that were pouring through me mind. After all that reading and praying, I decided to just sit, wait, and let thoughts come to be.

I made Ammon sit down with me. I told him he was not allowed to offer any personal opinions until I had present both sides of the internal argument going on my head. I bawled the whole time. I noticed that despite my support of both options: taking the job or not. I tended to say..."and I don't think it's a good idea because..." a lot more than why it was a good idea. Ammon agreed with me. He said, "Which will you regret more, missing the chance to get seven weeks of teaching experience or having a miscarriage because your body can't handle the load?" I decided not to take the job. As soon as I said that to myself I felt calm the rest of the night.