Someday...

I will post about the whole labor ordeal

and share what life is like with a new little baby

and actually take a shower.

But it may not be anytime soon, because for now we are just surviving day to day while we all figure each other out. Being a mom is rough some days. Good thing he is so cute.

New Birthday Coming Up!!!

Mark your calendars...Baby Boy Hedin is scheduled to arrive this coming Monday, October 10th!!

I went in for a simple blood pressure check yesterday (which was barely in the normal range) and my doctor happened to be available to chat after. The chat turned into an exam (still only dilated 1.5) and serious conference about how it is a greater risk for me to stay pregnant at this point (due to my crazy blood pressure fluctuations) than it is for the baby to be born.

At one point in this conference I heard him say..."we could induce you today..." and panic set in. I really want to give my body all the chances I can to get the baby here when it is ready. Inducing me could cause stress to the baby and increases the possibility of a c-section. Both of those possibilities scare me.

I guess the risk to my own body of developing pre-clampsia should be very scary to me too. Logically I can see the reason to be induced, but psychologically I want to fight it. In my desperation I found myself saying dumb things like, "But, we have an appointment scheduled for Tuesday...don't you want to have an appointment on Tuesday?" 

In the end the doctor and I came to a compromise. We both felt ok about holding off until Monday  (no later) so that the baby had one last chance over this weekend to come on his own.

And do you know what? I think the baby must understand my desperation. Yesterday a few hours after I got home, I think I finally felt some contractions for the first time. Today, I've also had a few. Maybe sometime this weekend they will become regular and we can beat the scheduled birthday. Here's to hoping!

A Long Morning at the Doctors Office

Today's appointment was interesting. The doctor informed me I was 75% effaced, but I was still not dilated. He decided he would help that out with a very uncomfortable examination. He stripped membranes and somehow by the end of the exam had me dilated to 1.5. He seemed very pleased with himself and said, "that should help things get started!" I was just grateful that he was done and thought I would be released.

The excitement didn't end there however. My blood pressure once again was a little high, so they set me up in a room with a couple monitors on my tummy measuring the baby's heartbeat and movement. It seemed like I was there forever but it was probably only 10 or 15 minutes. Honestly, I didn't mind the wait. There is something reassuring about hearing the heartbeat so consistent and for so long.

The baby readily passed the heart rate test, but wasn't cooperating with the movement side of things. (I knew he wouldn't be, because he always is pretty sleepy in the mornings.) I kept telling the concerned doctors and nurses that he really moves a lot, they just have to be around from ten o'clock to midnight to get the exciting show.  They buzzed him with sound waves a couple times which made him not so happy, but got the achieved result of a few kicks. Eventually the little guy decided to wake up on his own and was wiggling around enough to please the doctor.

Next stop, ultrasound to measure fluids around the baby. Again we passed the test. I asked the doctor if he could give me an estimate on weight. Since he so successfully "got things started" I wanted to know what I was in for when this little guy decides to make his entrance.

Ideally the baby holds still at this point so measurements can be taken easily. Instead the doctor spent the next ten minutes chasing him around because he was wiggling so much and sending very accurate kicks at the ultrasound wand. (revenge for being so rudely buzzed awake) The doctor laughed about his "lack of movement" worries a few minutes earlier and said that we had a "very healthy ( estimated 7 pounds 6 oz) baby" on our hands.

Now the question is, when will he decide to make his grand entrance?

Halloween Memories

I was scanning pictures today and came across this jewel. Since we have officially entered October I thought it was fitting.Technically not my memory since I wasn't even born yet, but still I think this is one of my favorite family pictures.

My five older brothers all dressed up for Halloween. Jared and Michael apparently both went with the classic Davy Crockett costume...the other three...well I have no idea what they are supposed to be. I do like John's bat mask though.

Riding the Blood Pressure Roller Coaster

(WARNING:  Despite the association with roller coasters--which really are exciting...this post is extremely boring and is really more to help my (currently awful) memory than anything else. Who blogs about blood pressure anyway? Geeez.. )

The last information I gave about the pregnancy was that I was supposed to watch my blood pressure really close. Well, those two weeks of home testing came back NOT high (but close) and the doctor seemed relieved and told me not to worry about it anymore. I tried really hard to not say I told you so...

Then came the appointment two weeks ago...blood pressure scary again at the appointment, ANOTHER lovely 24 hour urine sample (I was so excited..), and more home bp testing requested. 

The results--I passed the urine test, but my blood pressure did have some rather high averages toward the end of the week. I went to my last appointment on Monday fully willing to swallow my pride admit my blood pressure may be getting in the high range outside the doctor's office as well as in.  So of course their measurement that day came back completely normal.

SUMMARY: I don't get what's going on with my body. I don't think the doctor gets it. I hope this little wiggly lump has a plan, because the rest of us sure don't.

This Friday will mark the start of 38 weeks!!! No dilation yet, but 50% effaced.

 Do we dare head to Salt Lake this weekend? If he ends up being a conference baby, he runs the risk of being little Dieter Hedin...his "forget me not" talk was pretty amazing.

Something Against Little Boys?

 I've noticed a sad trend in every store's baby section I enter. Take this website I was browsing today for example....

See? Pathetic!! Why are little girls so favored? Looking on the bright side, this dilemma creates a built in safety mechanism for our savings account. Less to choose from...less temptation.

( I really am very grateful that this little boy's wardrobe won't have to include a different colored gigantic flower headband to match every outfit.)

While the clothing selection was pretty nonexistent, the binkies made me laugh

This one is my personal favorite.

Just Another Reason I'm Proud to Live in Logan, UT

Here's the story: Bystanders Rescue Motorcycle Driver Trapped Under Burning Car

White Coat Hypertension

Yet another visit to the doctor today...and my blood pressure sky rocketed right on cue. They really are quite puzzled with me. Everything but my blood pressure is normal. Normally when high blood pressure is an issue the baby measures small.  Not our little boy, he is in the 68th percentile. I finally got the doctor to admit there is an actual condition called white coat hypertension or white coat syndrome, where being at the doctor's office causes elevated blood pressure and the rest of the time it's normal.
If he had lived in a hospital setting for the first 6 months of his life being poked and prodded maybe he would understand. To prove my theory I'll be taking my own bp measurements at home for the next two weeks. Meanwhile, I have been ordered to come in for weekly ultrasounds for the rest of this pregnancy. We should be pretty familiar with this little guy's face by the time he enters the world...if he ever decides to stop hiding it behind his hands.

Just Our Luck

While in the midst of the 24 hour urine collection process (See “Baby Boy Update” if you are lost...and keep reading the next 3 posts after that because I've been doing A LOT of catching up the last couple days), Ammon and I agreed to watch my brother’s three girls while they went on a date night with another couple in their ward. My sister-in-law had had the same test during her last pregnancy, so the older girls knew not to drink the “orange juice” in the fridge. My brother and sister-in-law ended up getting home around midnight and we stayed and talked with them for a good hour and a half after that.

As we left Smithfield to head home to our apartment in Logan at 1:30 in the morning, I informed Ammon that we’d have to book it home because I had to use the restroom and I refused to mess up this test and have to take it again. My fatal word of warning was “just don’t get pulled over and I’ll be fine.”

Well of course a cop car pulled up next to us as we were leaving Smithfield. We were both tired and trying to be extra cautious. The last thing we’d want would be to speed past him and risk getting a ticket. Turns out we were going too slow for his liking which aroused suspicion. He saw our Idaho license plates and called in to check up on us.

He pulled us over a half a block from our apartment! Turns out the registration on our car was expired, and according to his computer it also wasn’t insured (it was). We got this lovely long lecture about how he was “giving us a huge break because he should impound our car” and wrote out a ticket. The whole process took FOREVER and the whole time I was just staring eagerly in the direction of our apartment wondering if I could ask the officer’s permission to run home with my little collection jug to the restroom. I wonder if anyone has ever pulled that pregnancy card to get out of a ticket?

Coincidentally, the icing on the cake to this unfortunate event was the next morning when Ammon checked his email and had a message from our car insurance company about how it was time to renew our policy. Really? The day after we get a ticket? Why not the day before?

The happy ending to this story is that the ticket only ended up being $30, my bladder of steel made it home and through the remaining 24 hour sample, and the protein levels in my urine are normal. This means I probably don’t have preeclampsia as the doctor feared. 


At least Ammon has a healthy wife and baby, despite his now not so healthy driving record.

Baby Boy Update

 July 28: Another doctor's appointment. I drank a nasty sugar drink . This was so that the doctor could see if I had gestational diabetes or not. I had some friends and family tell me how awful the drink was, trying to prep me. The first few sips weren’t so bad, but by the bottom of that little bottle I saw what everyone was talking about.

At the previous doctor’s appointment in June, he spent the whole time telling me I had gained a lot of weight and asking if I knew why. That really makes you feel good. Since then I have been really trying to eat a lot healthier and get more exercise in. The result: only a one pound gain in July! Yeah! I was glad I didn’t have to be told I was fat again. That still doesn't stop the comments of "Whoa, that is going to be a big baby" from every third person I come in contact with. 

August 1:

Our doctor is worried because I have had three readings of high blood pressure throughout the pregnancy now. I keep trying to tell him that simply sitting in the doctor’s office does that to me. (I think there is some remembered anxiety from all the time I spent in hospitals after I was born premature.) When I’ve measured it on a machine at home, the readings have been normal.

As a result, of his concern I will be having more frequent dr visits and ultrasounds (that part we aren’t so upset about) and take a 24 hour urine test to make sure the baby is growing how he should and that my body is functioning properly. Here are some new pictures from the August 1 ultrasound:

He still likes to always have his hands in front of his face.

After the technician pestered him for a little bit he moved on hand away.
He didn't seem too happy about that though.

In the end this was the best shot we could get.
Who do you think he looks like? I sure can't figure it out.

Baby Boy’s measurements were perfect! He is weighing in at a whopping 3 pounds 9 oz. The ultrasound technician predicts at least an 8 pound baby by the time he is ready to arrive which may be sooner than the original Oct. 14th due date.

Here's What You've Missed (Part 3)

July 23: My mom took me shopping for material to make some baby blankets (pictures to come)! My poor dad and Ammon were also brought along and had to endure hours of my indecisiveness. Boys are hard! I could have picked out thousands of combinations of girl stuff by the time I found a few yards of boy material that I liked.

July 25: Our personal celebration of Pioneer Day. Ammon and I went up Green Canyon (where we first really noticed each other at a bonfire and where he later proposed...awww). We drove past the campground where the proposal took place (there was a camper parked there so our reminisces were short) and on to one of the Logan Temple quarry sites. 

Here is the sign.We hiked up to try and find the quarry itself.
It was only a short hike (maybe a mile), but really hot.

And for some strange reason I forgot to take into account that the trail
to the quarry would be full of broken rock pieces when I planned the trip. 

But we made it..well at least we think so...we aren't sure if this was the actual
 quarry site or just rock blasted away to make a path...but something happened here.

Just in case, Ammon kept hiking up another huge hill to see if there was any
other evidence of a quarry farther up, I was content to stay in the shade...

and see what I missed through Ammon's awesome photography skills .

On the way back down we found a nice shady resting spot and sang I Love to See the Temple and Come, Come Ye Saints to honor those pioneers that worked so hard and sacrificed so much to make Logan such a beautiful place. The rest of the day was spent going to the last Harry Potter movie, Walmart, and doing a little more unpacking--not very pioneer-ish, but it was fun anyway. Happy Pioneer Day!!!

July 26: Sewing, sewing, and more sewing. Ok.. so I did maybe half a baby blanket and my mom did like five, but still...This baby boy is sure loved. Also got to see some high school friends at a bridal shower for Lauren Cundick (soon to be Lauren Hansen) which was wonderful.

Here's What You've Missed (Part 2)

July 8-21: Hedin Family vacation! We traveled with all of Ammon's family, his Uncle's family, and his grandma. We spent the first week in Bandon, Oregon in a beautiful house right on the beach. This meant daily walks along the beach, shopping in old town Bandon, looking for washed up treasures, and seeing a few nearby lighthouses.

Our view from the beach house

Coquille River Lighthouse in Bandon and a very pregnant belly

 The second week was spent driving on to Vancouver, Canada to attend the new temple. On the way there we stopped at some amazing viewpoints in Olympic National Park and of course paid a visit to Forks, Washington since Ammon's sister Taylie is a huge Twilight fan. 

Destruction Point, Olympic National Park

I spent my time in Forks wandering around the forest on a nature trail.
No sightings of werewolves or sparkly vampires. I think I'm ok with that.

Who needs Edward when I've got Ammon? He always picks me
 flowers where ever we go. 

We crossed Puget Sound on this ferry. 

Vancouver, British Columbia Temple

Night of July 21: At about 9:30 the night we got back from the vacation, our landlord decided to visit and inform us that he never received the check we sent for July's rent. Of course every attempt to prove that we had indeed sent it via phone and computer malfunctioned, which meant the landlord spent about a half hour in our chaotic apartment. Boxes were still everywhere, swimming suits strewn across furniture, and my favorite--- beer bottles that had washed up from Japan (collected from the beach in Oregon to put sand/shells in) were scattered all over our kitchen table. Ammon and I had to laugh after he left. We think he may be second guessing his agreement to let us rent month to month. We probably seem pretty sketchy.

Here's What You've Missed (Part 1)

Silly me, under the illusion that once we were done with college life would be much simpler. There has been LOTS going on lately (and not so lately since I've procrastinated posting for so long) and my documentation is severely lacking. So be prepared for a blog overload!! 

June 28-30: Moving! Aggie Village has been our home since we were married three years ago. I loved all the people we got to know living in the USU 5th Ward. I loved being able to walk to classes in the morning/afternoon/night over the years. Oddly enough one of the things I will miss most is walking through the Logan cemetery. After a stressful day at school, that sacred place really had a way of putting life into perspective and calming me down. A lot of my emotions were affected as we left our first home together behind, but in the end I was so sick of packing and cleaning that I was grateful to close the door and move on. If we ever get completely moved into our new apartment before it's time to pack up and move again then maybe you'll get a glimpse of the new place.

Our camera was lost  during the camp out so here is a recycled picture from last year. Cute Grandpa with cute grandkids :)

June 30-July 2: Annual Womack Family Camp Out! This was the perfect camping experience for my pregnant self. The Cub River Ranger's station was completely booked this year and the accompanying river much too high for kids to play in so we just camped out at my parent's house. This meant I got to sleep on a pillow-top mattress in my old room rather than out in a tent, which I was perfectly happy with. The festivities included: basketball tournaments, horseshoe throwing contests, sliding down a wet slide into a little swimming pool, four wheeler rides, camp fires, ghost stories, yummy food, and secret girl-only hideouts controlled by my nieces...although somehow Ammon got invited to enter and was fed continuous updates on the secret password changes. How does he do it?

July 4: Independence Day was spent in West Jordan with Ammon's family. We finished up the basement bathroom renovation...well almost, visited with Ammon's older sister Terra and her kids, and had a little fireworks show in the driveway put on by Ammon's brother Austin. That neighborhood loves their fireworks! We figure next year we should just sit on the roof and watch everyone else's pyrotechnics and we'll have it made.

July 5, 6: Desperate attempt to unpack enough of our boxes so that we could then pack for a vacation.

My Overactive Imagination

I found myself distracted earlier with the thought that I hadn't felt the baby move very much lately. In fact, I wasn't sure if I had felt movement at all today. Of course all the possible worst case scenarios started running through my mind, and right as I was almost in tears I felt a wonderful little kick...followed by another...and another. Now I can't get him to stop wiggling. He really got into it when Ammon came home. I guess we know who the exciting parent is...

Changes

While finishing up school I often dreamed of this summer. I envisioned a summer full of relaxation, plenty of job offers for Ammon, and of course lots of anticipation for a new addition to the family. Well, things never quite happen exactly the way I expect them to...

The Downside:

1) While I often (probably too much) enjoy relaxation time during the day, my dreams are still filled with college course and overdue assignments. Try writing a paper for a pressing, nonexistent assignment in your sleep...so frustrating!

2) So far no job offers have come, which has left us with some hard decisions. Fortunately, Ammon is able to keep his current job, which is far more enjoyable and has a slightly better pay rate than working at McDonald's. We keep hunting and applying and hunting and applying... but often end up feeling hopeless. Looking for a job is much more work than the work itself would be. Anyone need a structural engineer?

3) We have been feeling the harsh reality of no longer receiving pell grants to supplement our income. It's downright depressing sometimes to realize how slowly our savings will be building for a while, and what we have saved is likely to disappear when the baby comes in October.

4) Since we both have graduated, we are no longer qualified to live in campus housing. For a stressful couple of months we debated where we should live. We knew it would probably be best to stay in Logan where at least Ammon has a job, but all the comparably priced apartments looked very scary, smelled very scary, or wanted at least a year lease. Hopeful that a job offer would come any day, we didn't want to be stuck paying for two separate apartments.

Despite all the difficult uncertainties, we are being blessed.

The Upside:

1) We were finally able to find an apartment that was reasonably priced and work out a month to month contract with the landlords. It is a two story (no more worrying about the neighbors wanting to kill us over squeaky floors) townhouse style apartment (with air conditioning!!) in the height of seventies fashion. We are moving sometime between June 15th and the 30th

2) Our little baby is healthy, strong and now frequently kicking throughout the day. Ammon thinks that he felt him move for the first time last night.

3) Ammon has been helping Ammon's parents remodel their basement each weekend in West Jordan so that his grandpa can eventually live with them. I love every minute of the remodeling process, though I often have to force myself to stay away from the action for the baby's sake. All my pretend expertise from all those times watching HGTV is finally being put to use! Well, actually Ammon is the one that seems to know everything, I just nag him to triple check everything so he doesn't mess it up. I can't wait until we have our own place one day and I can put him to work again. :)

4) Though it's not always fun, I appreciate being forced to really budget again. I love sitting down with Ammon and figuring out a plan together. It is really empowering. What a blessing to leave school without any debt and work to live within our means (however small they may be at this point)!

I don't know how long we will be living in limbo waiting for a job offer, but I know that we will learn a lot from how we handle the wait. My new personal goal is to try and perfect my homemaking skills while staying in our budget. (D&C 109: 8-9: My new mission statement). Hopefully I can establish some productive routines by the time the baby comes. Any suggestions, especially  for cheap, healthy, preferably easy meals would be greatly appreciated.

Our cute little baby BOY...

Decided to be curled up in a ball for the all important 20 week ultrasound

With his legs politely crossed to leave us in suspense

and his hands in front of his face so that we could only see a side profile

but what a cute side profile it is!

The poor little guy was poked and prodded by the technician
until we had the proof. Since he was trying so hard to be modest,
 I think I will leave that picture off the world wide web. I'm
sure he will appreciate my choice in the future.

The Report: He weighs about 13 ounces, was declared perfectly healthy,
and is right on schedule to come right around the 14th of October. Ammon
is already scheming father-son camping and rappeling trips.

Inspired

"The human family--without the gospel or without strong families--is not going to go very far. Unless we can fix families, you can't fix anything else. Most of the problems that are most vexing are things government can't fix. They have to be fixed at a different level. That's the urgency of our message. I'd rather have ten commandments than ten thousand federal regulations....Unless we rebuild marriages and families, then we really are just straightening deck chairs on the Titanic."

"Does our faith in Jesus include faith in His timing, whether in His macro-management of the entire universe of in His micro-shepherding of us?"

"If everything in one's immediate context were constantly clear, God's plan would not work. Hard choices as well as passing through periodic mists of darkness are needed in order to maintain life's basic reality--that we are to overcome by faith."

-Neal A. Maxwell

Baby Timeline

All of this is hopefully going into a physical journal for the baby eventually, but just so I don't forget here are some important days in our lives lately:

Summer 2010

While attending a random sacrament meeting, I got a sudden, very powerful impression that we were supposed to have a baby soon. The speakers were full-time missionaries talking about missionary work, their message was not even closely resembling the topic of starting a family. I think that my Heavenly Father knows me well enough to send messages completely off subject so that I know that I didn't come up with the idea and listen. And boy was I listening! At the point the thought of having a baby still terrified me and if it were left up to me, kids would be at least a couple years further down the road. However, I knew that it wasn't up to me and spent the rest of the meeting pondering and talking with Heavenly Father to figure out when. I got a surprisingly very specific answer down to the month we need to  start trying. I leaned over to Ammon and said, "Um...we need to have a family council later..." He said something along the lines of: "Uh oh. It's about a baby isn't it?"

During the following months our fears gradually became excitement. It even got to the point where we sat down and compared the timeline of the first impression I got and an even earlier plan to see what we felt would be better. Despite my attempts to negotiate in my prayers for a baby to to come sooner, I knew that we were supposed to stick with the original plan. While waiting anxiously, I studied up on all the signs of pregnancy so I would know when that day came. Consequently every other month I was "sure" I was pregnant and Ammon learned to cope with a lot of false alarms.

January 28, 2011

 The first day I realized I was pregnant.  My stomach was peeling a little and I just felt "different".( I hated hearing that from other people before this pregnancy when I asked how they knew, but there really is no way to describe it. Mother's instinct I guess.) I got really nervous and then wondered if I was making it up in my head yet again. I decided to pray about it and then I knew for sure.

 The original plan was to wait for Valentine's Day to tell Ammon, but after the excitement and anxiety building up all day I blurted it out that night. Our conversation went something like this:

Ammon: (gave me a hug) You look really pretty today. Did you do something different?
Me: No... (thinking: YES I look different because I'm pregnant! It's cute that he noticed, but I am NOT telling him until Valentine's Day)
Ammon: changing the subject...to who-knows-what
Me: (interrupting) Can I just tell you something!?
Ammon: yeah...
Me: I think I'm pregnant! I wasn't going to tell you but I've been so excited and nervous all day, I just need to tell someone.
Ammon: Sure, like you were last month and the month before...
Me: No, this time it's real
Ammon: How do you know?
Me: I don't know! I just do.

February 14, 2011
Since I couldn't wait to tell Ammon until Valentine's Day, we figured we could at least wait to take an "official" test until then. We both had school that day, so not much time. I woke up early that morning prepared with a full bladder to do the deed. This wasn't especially hard, since by this time I felt like I was having to spend way to many trips to the restroom. A plus sign immediately showed up, but I acted oblivious and made Ammon wait specific amount of minutes before I let him in on the secret. We were so excited! Our celebration was short since Ammon had class, but it was a good morning.

March 18, 2011
Our first visit to the doctor. Our doctor is Tandy Olsen at the IHC Budge Clinic in the Logan Hospital. If we're being honest, I picked him because I figured with a name like Tandy, the doctor could be a woman. He's obviously not a woman like I would have hoped, but he is really good about explaining every step of the process and making me feel less nervous. We got to see an ultra sound of the baby. We saw the heartbeat and in my opinion the cutest little baby I've ever seen. Dr. Olsen's attempts to get pictures for measurement were thwarted a few times because the baby kept wiggling and kicking their little legs (showing off for us I'm sure).

March 19, 2011
We told the family. Technically 12 weeks is when the chance of miscarriage really lowers and most people share the news. For us 12 weeks would have landed right on April Fool's Day. Not only is that not one of my favorite holidays, but I didn't want this announcement to not be taken seriously or to be shared with thousands of other fake pregnancy announcements. We cheated and told them early. After the ultrasound, I just wanted to show everyone. Since the due date is October 14, my brother-in-law Austin's b-day, we decided to make some kind of wanted poster for our little birthday thief.

May 3, 2011
We heard the baby's heartbeat. 153 healthy beats per minute. We also heard the bad news that we won't find out the gender until May 31st! What's your vote? Boy or Girl?

May 15/16 (in the middle of the night)
I have been really anxious to be able to feel the baby move lately. There were early times that I thought maybe I felt something, but it is usually right as I'm on the verge of sleep and my brain isn't functioning at a level to really discern what's really going on. While in this state last night, I thought I was feeling my heartbeat in my stomach. Then I realized that the either my heart was being very inconsistent (slightly troubling) or someone else was making their presence known. I was excited, but I must admit feeling slightly weird about the fact that there is a little person moving around inside me jabbing me from the inside. I'm sure I will get used to it over time, and eventually get really excited for that little person to be on the outside rather than inside as the jabs get more powerful.

DONE!!!!

Just thought I'd share my to do list now....

It's empty! After four long years and a lot of prayers I am finally done with school!! I wish I could take all the credit, but I'm had too many nights of inspiration coming to me as I fall asleep/dream to know that most of the work I turned in and lessons I taught did not come from me. 

Happy Birthday Ammon!

A lot has happened since my last post, but there's no time to play catch up now in the middle of my (potentially) last finals week ever!

Despite the time crunch due to major procrastination on my part, I couldn't pass up the chance to blog about my wonderful husband on his birthday!! Ammon is 26 today. That sounds extremely old to me, but I am trying my best to  not be so vocal about my thoughts on that subject, because I think he shares my opinion and doesn't like dwelling on it. Ammon's dad has been sending us pictures he is converting from old slides. Here are a couple childhood birthdays...

Isn't he cute?

I chose this one because of the fantastic style. Check out the mullet and cut off overalls, can't get much better than that!

One of the few traditions we uphold in our little family is breakfast in bed on your birthday. This started when we were engaged after I mentioned this was something my parents did for each other. I also briefly mentioned one particularly awesome birthday when my mom made some yummy chocolate waffles for me. The morning of my 19th birthday Ammon personally delivered breakfast on a tray from his apartment to mine (see why I love him?)... and every April 21st since then I get an assortment of breakfast foods delivered to me in bed, chocolate waffles included.


(The chef Ammon version of chocolate waffles changes every year as he can't seem to find a recipe he is happy with, which is always exciting. This year's included chocolate chips baked in and chocolate syrup on top.)

Today it was my turn. I'm not much of a cook (we typically eat cereal for breakfast) so I was a little anxious about getting up early to surprise him with a decent meal. He had a job interview for an internship this morning which added to the pressure. I decided to introduce him to cornbread and scrambled eggs for breakfast. Typically he associates cornbread with chili, but I was out to prove to him how wonderful it can be fresh out of the oven with butter and jam as a breakfast food. (Am I weird or do other people do this?)

I was prepared to make the cornbread from scratch, but I found this miraculous packet in our cupboard of cornbread mix that said "just add water". Now that is my kind of recipe! I mixed it up, buttered the pan, and looked the the instructions again just to be sure. It had a high altitude adjustment suggestion to add a little flour and some more water. Why not? Just to be sure it turns out perfect... I threw it in, mixed it again, and poured it into the pan.

Here's what I was envisioning...

Well...turns out Ammon's introduction to warm fluffy corn bread for breakfast ended up being some form of unleavened cornbread. I could post a picture, but it's just sad. I did make some yummy honey butter to compensate which seemed to fix most of the problem. He was a good sport about it, and also put up with me rushing him out the door so he could be ready for his interview on time.

Hopefully, tonight we will get to celebrate without the rush...I'm really thinking going out to eat somewhere is a fantastic idea. Happy Birthday honey!

One of the Strangest Classes I've Ever Been In...

I've certainly had some...interesting...college experiences over the course of my four years in college, and tonight's class just got put on the list. You see, I have this lovely Chilean professor that has made it a point over the course of the semester to take let his ideas be known to all. Anyone who has a contradicting point of view from his own either offends him in some way or their opinion is completely disregarded. See here for a taste of my friend's memorable experiences.

Just so you have some background information on the course: The topic is Foundations of Bilingual Education. The entire semester consisted of coming to class and hearing group presentations given by the students. (Because of course professors aren't getting paid to teach that's the students' job.) Each group has around nine individuals...way too many to be convenient for planning or to guarantee everyone has a fair share of work put into the presentation. Well...tonight was my group's turn.Our group made each part of our presentation short and to the point, because this professor tends to get worked up over issues and likes to go on half hour tangents "problematizing" the situation of the U.S. public school system that take up our whole presentation time.

Well, everything was going well until the part of our presentation given about involving Latino families. A girl in our group got up, presented about the main points given in our readings, and sat down. Cue next presenter...but wait...the professor has something to say. He stood up and in front of the whole class said, "I was not at all impressed with the last presentation." He went on to criticize how the girl presented, saying she used a "tone" that implied to him that she didn't care or consider the issue to be important. "It was very disrespectful and I will not have that in my class." Tone? What tone? The girl tried to apologize for something that she hadn't done, but he too busy telling the current presenter how excited he was to hear his presentation. "You are in the classroom and really know about this situation. I know that you will give us some great insights. We are all looking forward to hearing you present."...

So, awkwardly the class went on. The next presenter, from one of the distance sites, again started to introduce his topic, but a brave girl in our class interrupted him saying she had a comment. She defended the poor girl who he had criticized (who was now trying to keep from bawling) by looking directly at the professor and saying "I don't appreciate what you just said to her." Before she could continue the professor cut her off.

"Okay, we are not wasting everyone's time having this discussion. We have covered all the issues we need to cover in this class for the semester. Put your books away. We are done here. Goodbye."

And class was over just like that.

Side note: In case you are wondering what tops this incident in the strangeness category. My English 2010 professor wrote a whole paper that he shared with us. The topic was how it would be very possible that he could be the next Mark Hacking (who by the way my cousin dated very seriously at one point). Apparently, my professor had previously worked with Mark in a mental institution where their job was to restrain inmates and he always admired how well Mark did the job. Also they had many of the same church callings and beliefs in general. So maybe he could go home and kill his wife tonight. Why not? Do you wonder why this was my least favorite class? Yikes!!!

For all you Utah State critics out there, this college IS really wonderful despite the tone of my post. Have I mentioned that graduation is coming up fast!!! Only eight more school days!

Be Careful What You Pray For...Part 2

I woke up really early this morning to get to the school early and tell the principal my decision. As resolved as I felt last night, I couldn't help but worry about my decision this morning. I got to the school and immediately saw several of "my kids". They were excited to see me. I also saw several very anxious parents (who have been bombarding the principal wanting information since the teacher walked out). I waited in the office, but the principal told me, why don't you head down to the classroom and I'll come meet you in a few minutes. I tried to be discreet and act like this was just another visit to see the kids. Several parents came up to me and asked if I was going to be taking the class. The substitute who I had worked with a lot during my time there, kept quizzing me down about why I was there. I finally told her, "I've been offered a position, but I won't be taking it." She immediately went off on how she couldn't believe that they'd contact me and not say anything about it to her.

While visiting with the kids, one little girl gave me the saddest face and said, "Did you know that Mrs.---- is gone?" I wasn't sure how much she knew so I tried to act like I just assumed she was gone because a substitute was there, and played up how the substitute would do a good job with the class. She said, "She just left without telling anybody and she didn't even tell us goodbye.." My heart about broke in two, but I knew that no matter how badly I wanted to help fix the situation I was not physically capable of taking that responsibility. I don't handle stress well, I create my own stress when I have none. I knew that my body would not handle the added stress and decreased sleep that would come with the job, and I need to stay healthy for the baby.

When the principal came, I told her my answer. She admitted that after I had left last night she had been worried about me. She said that if I ever reach a point where I am looking for a job to come back and apply. Walking home was really hard. I'm still doubting myself, but I think I made the choice that needed to be made.

Why this answer to my prayer?

Either I made the wrong choice and a job being handed to me was the "work" I should be doing, or this was Heavenly Father's way of helping me see  what adding work to my schedule would be like so that I would recognize that I wasn't be as idle as I originally thought by simply finishing out the semester. One of the few impressions that kept coming back to me as I was making my decision was that I will have the opportunity to use my teaching down the road in way that I can't comprehend yet. I just need to get over my need to always know what the future plan is, and accept that what will happen is supposed to happen.

On a side note: I feel really bad for Ammon. He has applied to about 50 jobs and not heard back from any yet. I didn't apply to a single job and was offered a position. I really makes no sense. Ammon is hopeful that some kind of karma is due. Maybe since a job came my way and I didn't take it, that opportunity will now pass on to him? What do you think?

Be Careful What You Pray For...Part 1

This past Sunday my wonderful friend Marie taught the Relief Society lesson on work and personal responsibility. The message really hit me hard. I haven't worked for over a year due to my school schedule and the general lack of jobs in the area. I often feel guilty about this, even though I don't feel like we really need the extra income. When pondering about this lesson I began to worry that I am being too idle. Maybe I should be working to help support our family while I still can.

This thought was still in my mind yesterday morning. I decided to pray for help to have a productive day and to not be idle. I should be more careful about what I pray for, because... boy did I get an answer! At around three in the afternoon my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number so I didn't answer, but waited for a voice-mail. It was the secretary at Edith Bowen, one of the schools I student taught at. I called her back expecting it to be another survey about my experience there. Instead I got the response, "Are you looking for a job?"

She explained that my cooperating teacher had left the school unexpectedly and they needed someone to fill in teaching the class for the rest of the year starting next week. I immediately said, "Count me out, I'm taking eighteen credits and there's no way I could handle that load." I asked if they had contacted the other student teacher. They hadn't. I ended the conversation with "I'll think it over and get back to you as soon as possible."

I immediately called Ammon with the unbelievable news. I hadn't even applied for any jobs since the baby is on the way. I didn't think it would be possible for me to get any teaching experience in until after our kids were in school themselves. After Ammon I called my dad who really emphasized what a great opportunity this was to get some experience.  Then I called back Edith Bowen, "I'm a little freaked out that the more I think about this, the more I'm considering it..." went on the secretary's answering machine. I decided to walk to campus early to talk to Ammon about it, and on my way I got a call from the principal. I agreed to stop by and meet with her.

The principal was in the semi-bare, darkened classroom that my cooperating teacher had left behind putting library books on the shelves so it wouldn't look so empty for the kids when they came back today.  The reason I was contacted was because the classroom aide had recommended me. We talked about my situation and she said she didn't want me to be overwhelmed with finishing out the semester and taking on the job. If I took the job, I would also be supervising a level III student from the University and evaluating her teaching. The level I students that were scheduled to come interview the teacher (possibly me) about being a teacher in a couple weeks would probably be sent to another teacher. The one other first grade teacher offered to provide a skeletal outline of her plan for the rest of the year for me to follow if I took the job. No one knew for sure where the kids were at.

Being in the classroom talking to principal and other teachers like they actually believed I could do it really boosted my ego and confidence level, but I left the school confused about what I should do. I didn't know if my professors would work with me and let my final three weeks be a little more lenient. I still had a lot of big papers and projects to complete before the semester was over.

Focusing in class wasn't possible. I was antsy to get home and make a decision. Finally, I made it home, talked to my parents again who all but convinced me to take the job. Ammon also called his parents to get their input. The majority of the votes were for taking the job. I knew that I needed to pray about it, but every time I tried my anxiety over the situation interfered. Ammon gave me a blessing. I prayed, read my patriarchal blessing, prayed, read my patriarchal blessing again, read the relief society lesson, and read the next chapter in the Book of Mormon that I was on. (The chapter was about Zeezrom denying the teachings of Alma and Amulek...ha ha really didn't feel that applicable, except for when Alma and Amulek tell him that God knows his thoughts.) I really was glad that somebody else knew the crazy thoughts that were pouring through me mind. After all that reading and praying, I decided to just sit, wait, and let thoughts come to be.

I made Ammon sit down with me. I told him he was not allowed to offer any personal opinions until I had present both sides of the internal argument going on my head. I bawled the whole time. I noticed that despite my support of both options: taking the job or not. I tended to say..."and I don't think it's a good idea because..." a lot more than why it was a good idea. Ammon agreed with me. He said, "Which will you regret more, missing the chance to get seven weeks of teaching experience or having a miscarriage because your body can't handle the load?" I decided not to take the job. As soon as I said that to myself I felt calm the rest of the night.

Next on my list...

Why is it that I feel so fed up with school right now, when I secretly know that I will be missing having  the consistency of a school schedule like crazy once I'm done in May?

My coping mechanism: I made a list of every single assignment I have for each of my classes about halfway through the semester just so I could have the satisfaction of crossing them off one by one. When I'm stressed copies of this list tend to multiply and spread all over the place...

I have one on my computer desktop, a "to go" copy in my bookbag to take with me to school,  and one that I leave out in plain sight at home to guilt me into working...this is the only way I am accomplishing anything at this point. A bonus of this multiplicity system is that I only have to do one thing, but I get to cross it off three separate times...talk about sense of fulfillment!  If I have learned anything about myself and personal motivation, it's that I can't resist crossing off a to-do list.

What on earth will I do with myself when school is done and my current list is completed?

Ultrasound at 10 weeks

Well...for those who don't know yet about our exciting news... We are expecting a little baby to join our family around October 14. Obviously, this little one is consuming most of my thoughts and will continue to do so from here on out. I already love this little baby to pieces. (We all were pretty excited to meet each other when the time came for an ultrasound. The baby kicked the entire time showing off, and made it hard for the doctor to get his measurements.) Ammon and I are so thrilled to be parents, but I often find myself getting overwhelmed with the idea of how much responsibility that role brings.

This past weekend I really enjoyed the chance I had to listen to some of the leaders of my church speak at General Conference. I felt spiritually renewed, uplifted, and inspired to be better. I feel like my needs were met and my questions were answered.

For obvious reasons, one of the talks that really caught my attention was from Elder Lynn G. Robbins. He said...

"Many of us create 'to do' lists to remind us of things we want to accomplish, but people rarely have 'to be' lists. Why? 'To do's are activities or events that can be checked off the list when done. 'To be' however is never done. You can't earn check marks with 'to be's. I can take my wife out for a lovely evening this Friday which is a 'to do', but being a good husband is not an event. It needs to be part of my nature, my character or who I am."

 "To be good parents, one of the most important things we can teach our children is how 'to be' more like the Savior. Christ-like 'to be's cannot be    seen but they are the motivating force behind what we do which can be seen."

I think instead of focusing on my current 'to do's and constantly living moment to moment (or in my case--assignment to assignment), I need to develop a broader perspective and work on my long term 'to be's.

 With such a special spirit coming to bless our home, I feel like I have a lot of 'to be's to work on so that I can live worthy of such a huge blessing. I hope that I can develop habits  through meaningful 'to do's now that will help me 'to  be' a better example for our little family of Christ-like behaviors.