Be Careful What You Pray For...Part 2

I woke up really early this morning to get to the school early and tell the principal my decision. As resolved as I felt last night, I couldn't help but worry about my decision this morning. I got to the school and immediately saw several of "my kids". They were excited to see me. I also saw several very anxious parents (who have been bombarding the principal wanting information since the teacher walked out). I waited in the office, but the principal told me, why don't you head down to the classroom and I'll come meet you in a few minutes. I tried to be discreet and act like this was just another visit to see the kids. Several parents came up to me and asked if I was going to be taking the class. The substitute who I had worked with a lot during my time there, kept quizzing me down about why I was there. I finally told her, "I've been offered a position, but I won't be taking it." She immediately went off on how she couldn't believe that they'd contact me and not say anything about it to her.

While visiting with the kids, one little girl gave me the saddest face and said, "Did you know that Mrs.---- is gone?" I wasn't sure how much she knew so I tried to act like I just assumed she was gone because a substitute was there, and played up how the substitute would do a good job with the class. She said, "She just left without telling anybody and she didn't even tell us goodbye.." My heart about broke in two, but I knew that no matter how badly I wanted to help fix the situation I was not physically capable of taking that responsibility. I don't handle stress well, I create my own stress when I have none. I knew that my body would not handle the added stress and decreased sleep that would come with the job, and I need to stay healthy for the baby.

When the principal came, I told her my answer. She admitted that after I had left last night she had been worried about me. She said that if I ever reach a point where I am looking for a job to come back and apply. Walking home was really hard. I'm still doubting myself, but I think I made the choice that needed to be made.

Why this answer to my prayer?

Either I made the wrong choice and a job being handed to me was the "work" I should be doing, or this was Heavenly Father's way of helping me see  what adding work to my schedule would be like so that I would recognize that I wasn't be as idle as I originally thought by simply finishing out the semester. One of the few impressions that kept coming back to me as I was making my decision was that I will have the opportunity to use my teaching down the road in way that I can't comprehend yet. I just need to get over my need to always know what the future plan is, and accept that what will happen is supposed to happen.

On a side note: I feel really bad for Ammon. He has applied to about 50 jobs and not heard back from any yet. I didn't apply to a single job and was offered a position. I really makes no sense. Ammon is hopeful that some kind of karma is due. Maybe since a job came my way and I didn't take it, that opportunity will now pass on to him? What do you think?